I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
