i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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