would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
