hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
