I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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