in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
