I am in a vortex of obligation.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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