he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
