there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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