My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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