I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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