Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
