glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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