Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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