I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
