Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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