my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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