i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize