I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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