week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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