At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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