I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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