apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
