If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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