So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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