East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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