what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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