I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
