just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
