i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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