i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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