this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
