Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
