talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
