No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
