you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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