What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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