I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
