Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize