Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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