I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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