so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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