UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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