you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
