Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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