Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
