I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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