he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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