the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
