Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
