He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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