How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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