Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found your dick twin last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
