Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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