last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Less talking, more tequila
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
