Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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