3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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