I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
