he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
