just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
