Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
