Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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