Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
