Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
