please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize