I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
