It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i think i just lost a toe
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
