Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He passed out mid-signature
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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